Thought of the Day: Perfectionism

Perfectionism (3)

Happy Sunday everyone 🙂 How has your week been so far? My week felt pretty slow with nothing happening exciting at work, apart from Wednesday morning, Dr Eziefula presented an introduction to perfectionism which I have leveraged for today’s long Sunday read on the Pineapple Chicken Blog 🙂 I do not know much about perfectionism from a clinical psychological perspective and the potential impact it can have on our mental health; so I thought why not do a little more research and share what I have learnt too? You might want to grab your tea/coffee before we begin… 

What is perfectionism?

A simple dictionary definition for perfectionism is the refusal to accept any standard short of perfection. This is pretty simple to understand and probably what most of think perfectionism is. We all have our own standards on what we do or expect and a perfectionism likes it to be “perfect”.

In clinical psychology, however, it differs and perfectionism is defined as a personality trait characterised by a person’s striving for flawlessness and setting high-performance standards, accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.

Two sides of perfectionism

Perfectionism is a personality trait that is multidimensional, where it can be positive and negative. Personally, I think everyone can be a bit of a perfectionist. The concept of “perfect” would differ for everyone but wanting things to be of a certain “standard” is something we can all relate to. For example, you want a piece of work to be “perfect” before presenting it to your peers. However, using this simple example, perfectionism can easily become a negative trait if “perfect” is an unrealistic goal or unattainable meaning you are spending hours and hours making the presentation beautiful and stressing out over minute details; possibly even missing the deadline because one couldn’t “let go”.

Positive

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfection is not about healthy achievement and growth – Brené Brown

From my research, I get the sense that perfectionism is not a positive trait to have should not be confused with the desire to obtain excellence. Obtaining excellence is a positive trait to have, as it helps to motivate people to reach their goals and when they reach that goal, then there is a feeling of satisfaction. Unlike perfectionism, the desire for excellence is the desire to do the very best possible, not the quest for the unobtainable.

Negative

Following from above, it means that perfectionism is a negative trait to have. Individuals caught up in perfectionistic thinking or behaviour commonly experience significant personal distress as well as chronic health and emotional problems. Such individuals can also provoke extremely negative reactions from others due to their unrealistically high standards and quest to avoid failure and rejection.

Perfectionism is the belief that unless I am perfect, then I am not okay. This belief is driven by fear, mainly the fear of failure. To me, the pursuit of perfection seems extremely stressful and it is not surprising that it can be a cause of depression. It can also cause anger as well because you are always frustrated at yourself, as you are never good enough.

Dr Eziefula  mentioned that it is possible for perfectionists to be extreme procrastinators, because they are too worried about being perfect – or planning to be perfect that they don’t want to tackle the issue at hand; or if they know they won’t be the best or perfect at the task, they rather not do the task at all. 

In its most extreme form, perfectionism can become like an obsession and manifest into Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (“OCD”), where everything has to be completely organised, idea that “a place for everything and everything in its place” rings true to these individuals. Prior to the presentation at work, I was reading a heart-wrenching account of how beauty became a perfectionist’s obsession. It was a great insight into how perfectionism can manifest itself and negatively impact an individual’s wellbeing; I highly recommend the post.

Are you a perfectionist?

From the presentation and my readings, the one question that I always had at the back of my mind was whether I was a perfectionist? I found a few quizzes and but, as always you should take the below with a pinch of salt. Regardless, I used the quizzes and the other websites as a guide for personal reflection.

  • Perfectionism test
    • A quite detailed questionnaire and analysis with a breakdown of potential strengths and limitations. Took me about 5 minutes to complete and you can pay for a full report (but I didn’t)
  • Perfectionism
    • I found this to be a good guide to perfectionism if you wanted more detail that is not covered in this post.
  • 11 Signs of a Perfectionist
    • Rather simplistic but a good starting point.

Tips

There is a myriad of posts that provide tips to help with perfectionism. However, from my research and understanding the potential detrimental impact on mental health, if you think you perfectionism is impacting you, I would encourage you to see a specialist first. In spite of this, below are a few tips that I have chosen are good to follow, and not just to tackle perfectionism.

  •  Set realistic expectations – The focus should be on one thing at a time and setting goals that may be “stretching” but attainable. When they are unrealistic, it is demotivating, or worse – self-destructive. I have learnt that goals/objectives should follow the SMART model. Try it out for yourself!

http://www.j6design.com.au/setting-smart-goals/

  • Take time for yourself – I have always preached this. Turn off that computer/put that pen down and listen to your true needs and how to meet those needs. Take time for self-care and be kind to yourself because you are important and worthy!
  • Take a step back – Consider the tradeoffs between making something “perfect” and using that time and energy for something else. Take a step back and ask yourself: what is more important in the grand scheme of things?
  • Perspective – Once you have taken a step back, take a step forward. There are plenty of small steps that, were you to take them, would help move your life forward. Don’t excuse yourself from doing them because the conditions aren’t right or because a better opportunity might come along soon. Do what you can, now. And when you’ve done it, keep it in perspective and be pleased with the result because by looking back you will see how far you have come.
  • Ask yourselves these questions:
    • What am I spending most of my time and energy on right now?
    • Am I doing this because I want to, or because I’m trying to compete with or please someone else?
    • Is what I’m doing making me feel worthy and valuable? If not, how can I stop doing it?
    • Am I doing what I said I would do to reach my goals? If not, is my goal too big or perfectionistic? How can I make it more reasonable?
    • Are my actions more in line with who I want to be today than they were yesterday?

The Pursuit of Good Enough

If perfection an illusion, if this is the case then why do we continue to pursue it? It is okay to be good enough? Haversat discusses this in her  TED talk and uses some key examples we see today in politics. She focuses on compromise and refers to Voltaire’s statement – “Perfect is the enemy of the good”. Worth a watch!

On your 80th Birthday

Dr Eziefula’s presentation ended with an open question and I will pose this to you to end this blog post.

On your 80th birthday, what would you want people to describe you as?

  • The person that answered all emails on time? 
  • Amazingly beautiful presentations? 
  • Beautiful/Perfect – not a hair out of place? 
  • Someone who lived by their values? 
  • Someone who built a legacy

I don’t have an answer to the question, just yet, but I know which direction I want to go.

With Sweet & Sour Love, 

Pineapple Chicken

P.S. I hope you found this post helpful, as always, I would love to hear from you!

Thought of the Day: Finding Your Passion

Finding Your Passion

Happy Sunday Everyone! 🙂

I hope you had a wonderful weekend, as usual, Sunday on the Pineapple Chicken Blog is a long read on what has been on my mind as I continue my search for positivity. This week’s post is inspired by my boyfriend, though he has not blogged recently, behind the scenes he has been working really hard working on his trading strategy, and a business plan, on top of his day job. He is a doer: when he has his mind set on something it becomes all-consuming (which can be a positive and negative thing). I can feel his neurons firing away. For me, this feels like true passion which is very inspiring.

I realised that I have not felt like this in a long time. I feel like I have no true passion. This might explain the slight undertones of melancholy I have been experiencing over the past few months. I love learning and always in search of the next thing that I can work on or become better at. I mentioned to my boyfriend I felt like I have stalled. Recently, I feel like I have lost a bit of passion, or I was not sure what my passion was…. Do I have one? What is passion? These were all big questions, and honestly, it floored me.

With deeper searching and inward reflection, one potential cause for my little funk might relate to my job where I am now very “comfortable” and I am not sure what the next steps are and how I want to grow. Do I even want to stay in my industry? Or it might be something completely different entirely and I have not stepped outside my comfort zone to explore/discover? Or am I not being grateful for what I have and always in this constant search for something new and shiny?

As any girlfriend would, I relayed my concerns to my boyfriend and his usual supportive self, asked me the following:

  • What do you mean you have “stalled”?
  • Are you sure that you have even started, let alone “stalled”? (ouch!)
  • Is it because you do not have the headspace to think about it? Do I need to give you space?
  • With regards to your job, no one can tell you how to develop your own role/next steps. You need to decide this for yourself, don’t rely on your manager to guide you!

These were very painful truths but I think that was a kick up the butt I needed. I realised that I have been sitting in the backseat of my own life and was waiting for “passion” to land on my lap. I have also recently discussed this with my best friend and she mentioned that when her sisters felt comfortable, they would do something drastic just to switch it up, like quitting a job. Maybe this might be something I need to do.

What is passion?

“Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.” – Oprah Winfrey

I associate passion with something that is exciting and positive. If you are passionate about something you would have an unlimited motivation to keep working at it. I am sure you have all heard – “Find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life”.

Being passionate sounds amazing! The burning desire to make something happen because you care about it. When was the last time you were passionate about something? Personally, I can’t really remember and I really struggled to answer this question when my boyfriend asked me. Even when I told him that I am going to write a blog about passion, he noted that it would be difficult for me since I don’t seem to have one (ouch again!).

After my trip to Chamonix and seeing my friends from my master’s degree, I remembered what passion felt like. During my time at university, this was my sole focus, my “role” was to be a student and work hard towards graduating with a good grade and developing a network of like-minded and passionate individuals. To get me out this funk, I did what every other person would do in this situation and googled “How do I find my passion”? lol!

How do I find my passion?

I was hoping that my Google Search would provide a step by step guide to finding my true passion. I was ready and prepared to do something positive about it. There were a few wishy-washy ones like this article and this one. Somewhat frustratingly a lot related to careers, I did not want to look at what I could do as a job, there were a few articles that were interesting but ultimately, I wanted to learn more about myself. There are a few quizzes out there as well, but they never are any good (for those that clicked on the link, I got: Lifelong Learning).

Unfortunately, I did not find it very inspiring, so I kept digging. The more I searched, the more I realised that there were more articles and posts like this:

I was genuinely shocked by the turn of events as I was expecting rainbows and unicorns and a lot more positivity. In the hours of research and reading for this post, there were some key messages that came up time and time again.

1. Passion is an emotion

Passion is not something that drops out of the sky as some people believe – i.e. forget the ‘Eureka!’ moment. Maybe you are the lucky few that this might happen to, but for most people, you got to work for it. It is a bit like falling in love, your dream man/woman is not just going to casually walk into your life. You need to create the opportunity, pluck up the courage to speak to the other person, engage and court etc. etc. etc. – we can all agree – dating is hard work!

You know what passion is? Passion is an emotion. It’s an emotion without an action. Passion will get you nowhere. Inner drive will get you nowhere unless you act on it. You have to act on your passion. You have to act on your inner drive. Don’t let those feelings stay inside you. You gotta know what to do with them. You gotta know how to make them work to get what you want. – Michael Jordan

2. Do Something

As mentioned above, you need to do something, how will you ever find your passion if you sit on your laurels. Dweck and Greg Walton of Stanford recently performed a study that suggests it might be time to change the way we think about our interests. Passions aren’t “found,” they argue. They’re developed.

Try spending 20 minutes each day thinking about the things that have interested you recently, or any opportunities that you have spotted. Maybe try thinking back to when you are a child, what did you care about? What did you enjoy doing – is this something you can do now as an adult? Have you done something that made you lose track of time because you enjoyed it so much? It is a journey of discovery and it is exciting!

3. Grit

Closely correlated with doing something is that once you found something you care about – you have to keep at it. For the long term, come rain or shine. You don’t necessarily have to be good at it but you need to have grit and persevere with it. Don’t give up!

When you develop competence in something you enjoy, you build more confidence to help you tackle larger challenges, and you continue to grow, which fuels more passion to repeat the process. – Ayodeji Awosika

Angela Lee Duckworth’s video is really short and engaging about grit – I highly recommend clicking the play button!

4. Read

Once you have identified something that might be of interest. Read all about it and read some more. Do your research – websites, blogs, books, anything you can get your hands on! This is because there is probably someone out there in the world that is passionate about the thing you are. Read up about it, they probably have already done a lot; so learn from their experiences, enhance your knowledge.

My Passion

As I researched for this post and talked to others about my concerns and the little funk I have been in. I realised that I have been ungrateful (I feel like this might be a future topic to write about!).

This blog is definitely a passion of mine and I had failed to recognise that. I absolutely love seeing art, travelling and researching for the Long Reads. It has been such a joyous journey and I have learnt so much during the process. Yes, there have been times where I dragged my feet and didn’t want to make the effort. There have been times when I had a creative block and didn’t have content. Nevertheless, the blog has taken me to places I have not been to before and I have learnt about myself in the process.

In Chamonix, my boyfriend told me it is time to get serious about the blog. If this is my passion then I have to work for it! I am not yet there to quit my job and become a blogger full time – though that would be super awesome, possibly in the future. However, I am going to keep up with my posting schedule and take myself out the comfort zone and bring my dearest readers (you!) more interesting content on art and positivity.

Whoop, you have made it to the end, I hope this post inspired you to go out there to find your passion (if you don’t already have one). For those, who have found their passion – keep up the great work, persevere because what you are doing is awesome!

With Sweet & Sour Love,

Pineapple Chicken x

Travel: Paris

Hey everyone!

I hope you are having a wonderful week so far, the weather has been pretty miserable in London, so it is great that I can reflect on my last long weekend away in Paris in this blog. Taking me back to happier memories.  I am so grateful that I can travel between two very different cities within a space of 2 hours – just gives me the fix I need when I need to get away from London.

Where we stayed

The reason for my trip to Paris this time around was to help my friend move her suitcases from Paris back to London. My manager said that this was a tenuous excuse to travel all the way to Paris, I completely agree, but any excuse to go to Paris! We wanted to stay quite central, and where is better than close to the Galerie LaFayette at The Dream Hotel Opera. Though the location was really convenient, I really do not recommend this hotel. The rooms were clean but the lift is shockingly small. For those who are claustrophobic, I really advise that you either stay on lower floors or find alternative hotels because, for someone who isn’t scared of refined spaces, I was very uncomfortable. Considering how much I paid for the hotel, it was not worth it at all! 2 out of 5 pineapples.

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Day 1: Gastronomy Galore

It was a rather girly weekend where it was filled with food and shopping. The most memorable part of the holiday was going to one of the best Boulangerie I have ever been too – Du Pain et des Idées. It is probably one of the most Instagrammed bakeries in Paris and for good reason. The best pastries I have had and they also do these wonderfully warm savoury rolls. I am salivating as we speak. Honestly, 5 out of 5 pineapplesIt is also conveniently located next to the canals and would be considered the “hipster” part of Paris with quaint boutiques. This is where I bought my first purchase of the trip on Rue de Marseille 🙂 

As we had some time to kill before our picking up my friend’s bag, what is better than continuing eating? We wanted somewhere close to where we were and a quick Google search led us to Le Marine on Quai de Valmy, right by the canals. One thing I love about Paris is they always have a good menu of the day, comforting main and scrumptious desserts. It is your typical Parisienne cafe, with the monochrome tiled floors and super small tables. If you are looking for a quick and affordable bite to eat, I recommend it if you are in the area, but nothing to go out your way for. 3 out of 5 pineapples.

After picking up the suitcases from the French suburbs, we made it back to the hotel… up the super tiny lift and into our .. super small room. As you can imagine, I wanted to get out of the hotel as soon as possible and we made our way to Galeries Lafayette Haussmann. Though it is filled with tourists, it is a beautiful building which I recommend at least seeing once, Just look at the amazing dome below. This was also where I bought my second purchase of the trip, worth the detour to have a look inside, so I give it 3 out of 5 pineapples.

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This weekend was also to celebrate my friend’s birthday and her favourite cuisine is Japanese, so we obviously had to try and find one of the best restaurants in Paris for her! Nodaïwa is a very quaint and zen restaurant near the Louvre that specialises in eel dishes and comes up in nearly every Japanese food guide to Paris. We were luckily able to get a table at 7 pm as it opened. It was a great experience with the staff being super friendly. The menu is limited, so if you aren’t going to enjoy eel, I would not recommend it. We started off with sea bass sashimi and ordered the Sakura set. They were both very well executed and I recommend getting the sashimi – super fresh and a light white fish as a starter. We ended the meal with black sesame ice cream (must order) and their special dessert of the day: Yuzu Soya Panna Cotta (don’t order). Unfortunately, the texture of the pannacotta was gritty because of the soya rather than luxurious creamy jiggle you get with a normal one. I will give it 4 out of 5 pineapples.

Day 2: More Shopping

The best morning starts off with a great breakfast. Conveniently located near the hotel is La Gramont, which I have visited before with family. This is on the main street of Boulevard des Italiens and perfect for people watching. The beautiful terrace of Le Gramont makes it one of my favourite spots in Paris. They do a quaint breakfast – coffee, orange juice, croissant or baguette with confiture (jam) – yum! I was being greedy and ordered scrambled eggs with cheese as well. I am not sure why, but the French seem to enjoy their eggs really “bitty” and lumpy, rather than the smooth texture in the UK. Not sure whether I am a fan, to be honest. Regardless, a lovely little cafe, so it gets 4 out of 5 pineapples.

The remainder of the day was spent wandering the streets around Opera and going high street shopping, where I ended up with my third purchase of the trip. Along the way, my friend mentioned the prettiest Starbucks in Paris (3 Boulevard des Capucines). It was worth making the detour for. The beautiful ceilings and different reading areas and a long working table. Wish we had something like this in London!

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We continued with the Japanese cuisine theme and had a late lunch at Aki. A casual Japanese restaurant specialising in okonomiyaki. I am not a big fan, but they did have other set menus which meant that you can have half portions of soba and rice in one meal – which is a dream. The food is average but the price is reasonable; this is probably why it is a favourite amongst locals often with long queues outside. A casual eatery but nothing special, it gets 2.5 out of 5 pineapples. For dessert, we headed up the street to the bubble tea joint – The Alley. There has been a lot of hype around this brand as seen on my Instagram, but there isn’t one in London, so I was really surprised to see it in Paris. The queue was also long here but seemed to be more reasonable than the ones I have seen in Hong Kong. Is it worth the hype? – definitely, one of the best bubble teas I have tasted. I tried the famous brown sugar bubble tea, whilst my friend got the classic but hot. Not too creamy or sweet, it was super yummy – 4.25 out 5 pineapples.

We continued our shopping journey, to one of the most beautiful places in Paris, Jardin du Palais Royal. Even in winter when there are no leaves on the trees, it is still worth a visit. Surrounding the gardens are these elegant archways with boutiques on the side. Nearby there are also other shops (this is where I bought my fifth and final purchase of the trip 🙂 ).  

We ended the evening walking past the Louvre and along the River Seine, passing the Notre Dame to the Shakespeare & Company bookstore. I highly recommend this route as you see so many beautiful and iconic buildings along the way. I had never been to the bookstore before and I highly recommend it as it is one of the few places to find books in English. However, the feel of the store is really special. The old bookcases and all the various nooks and crannies to hide away. You can understand why it is so famous and also why you see their famous “tote” bag along the streets of Paris. Personally, I think it is a must visit!

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Of course, we had to have dinner, so of course, you need a double crepe dinner! We didn’t have anywhere particular in mind, but Crêperie des Pêcheurs came up after a quick search. It is along a very touristy street, but once you enter a very quaint restaurant, decorated to look like the hull of a ship, with sails on the ceilings. Personally, the savoury crepe was disappointing, but the texture of the sweet crepe (just butter and sugar filling) was super yummy and with Chantilly cream just made it dreamy. Quaint little shop, don’t go out your way to go but if you are in the area, do stop for a sweet crepe! 3.5 out of 5 pineapples.

Day 3: Lunch then homebound

Our Eurostar back to London was in the afternoon, so just in time for a spot of lunch before we left. We wanted to stay close to the hotel for an easy exit. We wanted to go to Le Strogoff but they were already closed for breakfast (11 am), so we walked to Café Le Brebant which had this beautiful interior and terrace. We wanted to enjoy a simple meal and watched the world go by. The service was good, unfortunately, the food was average, so it only gets a 2.5 out of 5 pineapples.

There wasn’t much culture this time around, but I am sure I will be back in Paris soon enough. Where is your favourite place to eat in Paris? Do you have any recommendations for my next visit? As always, I would love to hear from you!

With Sweet & Sour Love,

Pineapple Chicken x

 

Thoughts of the Day: Boredom

Boredom

Hi everyone!

Did you all have a good weekend so far? I hope you are up for another long Sunday (night) read on the Pineapple Chicken blog. Today, I wanted to discuss boredom – it is an odd topic but please bear with me on this one 🙂 Earlier this week, I spent the better of last weekend and which dragged out to the remainder of the week in bed after catching a really bad cold that manifested itself into a horrible chesty cough. (I apologise for the superlatives, but honestly, I hate being ill).

Though I should have been resting in bed and recovering, I found myself extremely bored and growing ever restless. I felt guilty that I wasn’t using my downtime properly and doing something more productive. In my semi-delirious state, I thought I should try and understand what boredom really is and why do I feel bored? Should boredom be considered as something negative? 

What is boredom? 

“Bored” as defined in the dictionary is “feeling weary and impatient because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one’s current activity.” It is interesting that the definition also associates boredom with negative feelings, I would personally also associate boredom with restlessness and frustration.

I think Grant Faulkner wonderfully describes boredom in this article as an incessant need for stimulation – I have a tic, an affliction, a virus. When a moment of emptiness descends upon me, I reach for my phone, tap it madly, and hope to find stimulation…My brain craves novelty and stimulation, and I’m caught in a loop of compulsive neediness.

Why do we feel bored?

Though it may be potentially simple to define boredom, there is a lot more literature around why one feels bored and try to explain the underlying causes. Gustavo Razzetti explains boredom as the following, but I find it difficult to agree with. Personally, life is not always about giving more because let’s face it – that can be so tiring at times! 

“We feel bored because, deep inside ourselves, we know we can give more. Boredom is the pain of unused potential; it’s a disconnection to everything we can offer the world and vice versa.”

There is one train of thought that boredom has come from over-stimulation referring back to Grant Faulkner above, it is this constant need to fill in “gaps” with your phone but ultimately you never get satisfied. I agree with this statement more because I have not found myself bored if I am reading a good book, blogging or trying to meditate (and still trying very hard). Yet, I can feel bored whilst just looking at my phone to browse social media or try to find something interesting on Netflix.

Others have tried to explain the cause of boredom is because we find it hard having fun with our own company. I only partially agree with this, I love going to museums, galleries, and bookstores etc. on my own. I love solitude (from time to time) and I think it is important for my wellbeing. However, I agree with the opinion because when I was at home ill, I needed company and stimulating conversation; which also drove my boyfriend nuts as I was just being needy! I did try and do something productive like finishing my book. Honestly, my brain was just not up to it, so instead, I ended up binge-watching Netflix which seemed to make me even more bored! Was I facing the dilemma below? 

“We crave for more time. However, when we have free time, we don’t know what to do with it. Nothing seems exciting enough to deserve our valuable time. We end up doing nothing and get bored.”

Is boredom all the bad?

Why is boredom seen as such a negative thing? It implies that we are unappreciative of the world and what it has to offer, like the age-old saying – only boring people get bored? As one writer explained his experience when he was growing up – he had “exhausted the world of possibilities”. That is pretty harsh! I understand the sentiment that when one is learning, you shouldn’t be bored because there the world is a magical place and there is always something to learn/interest someone. Though there are definitely counter-arguments to this, I mean, who are they to say that the kid isn’t just the next entrepreneur. 

Whatever it is, boredom is a state of mind, just like sadness and happiness; therefore, should we really be categorising it into something that is negative or positive?

Others have said that boredom is a sign of laziness– savage! If boredom is just a state of mind, then it can be changed; i.e. you are not happy about something, change it! Let’s be honest, it is easier said than done. Should we not just be kind to ourselves from time to time and also recognise that we are imperfect and just human, with a myriad of emotions and thoughts?

Is it okay to be bored?  

To turn the argument on its head, is boredom really as bad for us? Do we have to constantly be productive? Others have put a lot of thought into this, particularly in this article

Sandi Mann, a psychologist, conducted an experiment to further understand emotions in the workplace in the 1990s. She found that “People who are bored think more creatively than those who aren’t.” Others have described that boredom can be a powerful tool that invites you to rethink your relationship with the world. Potentially my boredom in the sick bed created the right connections in my brain to write and research this topic (maybe, just maybe :)). A wonderfully light-hearted TED talk yet inspiring talk by Manoush Zomorodi on “How boredom can lead to your most brilliant ideas”. She has also written a book – “Bored and Brilliant” which I think will be going on the to-read list! Have any of you read the book? 

Her video was part of a playlist on TED talks to discuss “Why it is sometimes good to be bored”. So if you have time, I really recommend taking the time to have a listen to the various talks, maybe it may inspire you to embrace boredom and think of it as something positive and good for the mind. 

Parting tips

It is surprising how much is written on boredom and how it is a multi-dimensional topic with various views. Thank you for sticking with me to the end of this blog post! 

I am going to be kind to myself (as I always am lol!) and I think it is okay to be bored, I do not see it as a negative feeling and think we should embrace a wandering mind. However, I do think that replacing boredom with more stimulus such as YouTube videos or Netflix is the one thing we should be avoiding. Though, I recognise that there are days when mindless videos are just what you need. I want to start off with baby steps, so before I pick up my phone or TV remote, I am going to try a few of the tips below and I would love to know if they work for you!

Tips for boredom

  • Avoid technology when you feel bored – entertainment snacks will make you crave for more; rather than controlling your boredom, your need for distraction will never be satisfied. Hence, my binge-watching of Netflix from time to time.
  • Recover the joy of mundane tasks – when was the last time you wash the dishes and just allowed yourself to be present at the moment thinking of nothing else? Recovering the pleasure of doing small tasks may build a sense of achievement. I found that KonMari/tidying up is a good thing to do when I am bored.
  • Let your mind wander – when you find yourself bored, why not pick up a pen or paper and just let your mind wander. See where it leads you, let your mind feed on your own thoughts. It could potentially lead you down a creative path.

As always, I would love to hear from you about your thoughts on boredom, so please do leave a comment below!

With Sweet & Sour Love,

Pineapple Chicken

Thought of the Day: Introvert’s guide to Christmas

Hi Everyone,

How are you all? Are you excited for Christmas? Or already tired of the never-ending versions of “All I want for Christmas is You!”?

For someone like me, who is quite introverted, all the Christmas parties and festivities are a significant drain on my overall energy. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that everyone is cheery during this time of year. It is because they are likely taking a long break away from work.

I have just survived my team and office-wide Christmas parties. Our team is roughly 60 people and I know them relatively well, so I didn’t have to engage in any dreaded “small talk”. On the other hand, the office-wide one with 700+ individuals, now, that was a shocker. I did not try to engage with anyone I didn’t know. Not very festive but it was just too overwhelming.

After these two parties, I was thinking – surely, there must be something on the internet that might be able to provide some helpful tips to help manage the festive season. I have a few family events coming up, which I am dreading. I love my family dearly but there is quite a few of us. They can also be quite energetic whereby I end up crashing and burning. I am sure that there have been a few occasions where I have just broke down and cried because I was so tired from the interactions. Note, I do not drink alcohol so I couldn’t really drink my problems away… (also, probably not the best advice either!)

I was seriously disappointed by the internet search results and I think that is a reflection of how introverts do not get the recognition they deserve. I completely agree with Susan Cain that society today is completely geared towards extroverts and that introverts need to find our own voices! Alas, this is a discussion for another day.

Whilst perusing Instagram, I found the below comic strip by @lizandmollie and I thought it was a great summary of what introverts end up doing at parties. My boyfriend would often be hiding in the kitchen having an in-depth conversation of his latest pursuits with or other worldly matters with one individual. I, on the other hand, often like to hide in the bathroom or play with the pet (if there is one). Are any of you introverts – what do you do to recharge at parties?

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp963dkhit8/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

Pineapple Chicken’s Tips for Introverts to Survive Christmas

Having trawled through some suggestions and blogs from the internet, here is a summary of (hopefully helpful tips) to survive this festive season!

  1. Plan Ahead – I think information is key, I am much better at parties when I know what to expect. For example, I helped to plan our team’s Christmas party so I knew exactly who will be there and generally what to expect of the night.  Being an event organiser also meant I could excuse myself from conversations by acting like there is something that required my attention 🙂 I really try and avoid parties where I do not know anyone, I would prefer to have at least one or two friends with me at social gatherings. I also love dancing, so if I know that there will be good music, I would happily just dance the night away. In addition, this involves minimal conversations with others!
  2. Small Talk – If you find yourself in a situation where you have to make “small talk”, prepare a list of “open” questions beforehand; and choose a single person to speak to rather than a group. This is much easier and I find if you direct lots of questions to the individual so that they can talk about themselves (people love talking about themselves) you end up listening more rather than having to disclose anything about yourself.
  3. Time Out – As suggested above in the comic, make sure you build time for a break/recovery. This does not have to be long but make sure it is enough for you. Interacting with people takes a lot of mental energy and stamina, so try and find space in a quiet corner; probably in the kitchen, bathroom or even outside for some fresh air.
  4. Don’t overindulge with alcohol – I know, I know  – it is Christmas, booze is what it is all about and most people use it as a “social lubricant”. I personally do not think it is a good idea. This situation often leads to an individual losing control, and personally, this often causes even more anxiety!
  5. Exit Strategy – This probably links to tip #1; have an exit strategy. I have planned ahead in the past, where I let the host be aware that you would love to attend the party but would be unable to stay late because of a “deadline” or “other commitments” early the following day. Perfect excuse and managing expectations too! Just in time to back to your cosy bed for some peace and quiet.

I hope the tips work for you. Do you have any tips that you have tried in the past that worked? As always, I would love to hear from you!

With Sweet & Sour Love,

Pineapple Chicken

Lifestyle: RedTribe Beadwork

Hi Everyone,

How is everyone doing this week? Did you all enjoy a great weekend? I cannot believe that we are already in December – such a wonderful time of year. People tend to be a bit more festive in London and I think a chance to reflect on the year that has passed. It is also a time of giving.

This post is written about something that is close to my heart, as well as a chance to help my readers who looking for a thoughtful Christmas gift this period. For some of you who follow me on Instagram, might have known that I flew to Africa for the first time in early November. I landed in Nairobi, Kenya to visit a remote Maasai community. Working with a local charity – RedTribe, my colleagues and I have had an opportunity to support them on their school project. We were visiting to see how we can support them in the future and engage with the community.

I won’t be delving into the trip too much here as this post will go on for hours. However, I wanted to highlight the amazing work RedTribe Beadwork has done to empower marginalised women in the Maasai community. It is an incredible project with one widow and £10 worth of beads. The designs are created by Becca and are inspired by the Maasai. With the profits generated, it is able to provide a sustainable income for women and their families as well as pay the salary of a female teacher at the school.

Beadwork

I had an amazing opportunity to visit these incredible women and watch them work. Every individual had suffered adversity but have managed to survive and push through. It was such a humbling experience and it was so encouraging to know that these women have been given a chance to change their future in a sustainable way.

Personally, I love the designs of the jewellery. I have found them to be contemporary yet distinctive enough without the risk of cultural appropriation. I bought several earrings whilst I was there and I wear them every day! The tasseled ones are great for parties and a bit of glam!

For those are interested and want something a little different this Christmas, you can find the online shop here. Would love to hear your feedback!

With Sweet & Sour Love,

Pineapple Chicken

Travel: Hamburg, Germany

Hi Everyone,

How is your weekend going so far? Welcome to the next installment of Pineapple Chicken!

I went on a weekend trip to Hamburg back in September after a long trip to the US; this originally was a solo trip, but my best friend managed to come out there to see me, and always her presence made it out to be an even better trip! Another reason, a more selfish one, was because I wanted to obtain Silver Tier on the British Airways loyalty programme before my cut off period, which resulted in a few more trips before October. However, this obsession to get to silver is a discussion for another day! (let me know if you think this would be something interesting for you?)

Hamburg is a beautiful city and I really would fly out to visit again. The short weekend I was there did not give me enough time to explore all the different places that I saved on my google maps and research. Unfortunately, it also rained whilst I was out there, which sadly dampens my holiday spirit. Hamburg did remind me of Copenhagen, and when I looked at the map – it was easy to realise why.  However, I personally enjoyed Hamburg more, or maybe I need to go to Copenhagen again to make a proper comparison ;).